Era uma garota sempre atarefada,
Estava rodeada de pessoas, abafada
Pelo uníssono da multidão, abraçava
Muitas figuras, era sempre muito quista,
Muito mista, carregava muitas listras na bolsa.
Mostrava fotos de auto-promoção,
Fazia elogios para graduação em relacionamentos,
Era um tormento quando falava, ao som de fundo
Das bijuterias que chacoalhavam ritmadas, incômodo.
Tinha o melhor namorado,
A melhor morada de idéias
Junto com a melhor roupa,
Era uma imagem alheia,
Inerte, areia de um deserto.
Tinha os melhores momentos
Memorizados num relento
Impuro, num saudosismo fajuto.
Era dona do melhor beijo,
O eixo de sua comprovação barata,
Era uma caipira no sentimento, uma lorota
Em procedimentos mais profundos.
Adormecia pensando que a vida era uma fantasia,
Mas não esquecia suas doses diárias de cocaína,
Uma bituca no cigarro e um mergulho na caipirinha.
Adormecia pensando que a vida era uma fantasia,
Quando queria mais é tornar os fatos artificiais,
Os sentimentos anormais, necessidades mais canibais,
E devorar a virtude companheira sem mastigar.
Era um rostinho lindo, redondo e coberto por mechas loiras,
Talvez fosse uma morena esbelta, uma modelo dos açoites
Internos, que são gerados nesses regimes loucos.
Era um rostinho lindo e trágico,
Uma brincadeira de boneca
Com um projetor rolando cenas
De filme de princesa, hábito
De ditadora, perfume de moleca.
segunda-feira, outubro 29, 2007
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18 comentários:
Princesa não padrão
Sem vestidos ou ballet
De sombras, de ilusão
Nem menina, nem mulher
Uma boneca, uma escultura
Uma parva, uma ex-cultura
De álcool e drogas quaisquer
Moldada pelas mãos do mundo sujo.
Pedro! Uau!
Não sabia que havia ISSO em você. Seu melhor poema...
"Mostrava fotos de auto-promoção,
Fazia elogios para graduação em relacionamentos,"
Uma adolescentezinha qualquer. Comum-zinha. Fajutinha.
"Era uma caipira no sentimento, uma lorota
Em procedimentos mais profundos."
Vazia e superficial, uma personagem linear, sem conteúdo psicológico real.
"Adormecia pensando que a vida era uma fantasia, [...]"
Gostei do uso de paralelismo neste trecho, mas talvez o processo do quiasma ficasse melhor, sonoramente falando. Creio ser uma construção muito bonita das características da moça: fraca, vazia, sonhadora - talvez até demais; por exemplo, pode ser uma pessoa inatamente fraca, debilitada moralmente, precisando de muletas para conseguir viver "em paz" (infinitas sejam essas aspas), logo as drogas. Pode ser também uma pessoa frustrada, que resolveu sonhar para viver, e viver (muito mal) para sonhar. Drogas e vazio moral x força psicológica.
No geral, Pedro, gostei muito desse texto; nada falo a respeito da construção metafórica e metonímica da moça em questão - uma "criança adulta" - então, só posso tentar ajudar na parte estética. Admito ter meus problemas com isso também, mas acho que deveria evitar um pouco as rimas pobres, com verbos e tentar montar suas idéias em cima de sonoridade um pouco mais agradável. Às vezes um poema ótimo é renegado porque sua leitura "dói": não é o caso deste, mas um lembrete amigo nunca vem em má hora.
Abraços rapaz!
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